Strong Families Start With Strong Marriages

Awww... aren't we cute? That was so long ago. Look how young I am. 18 to be exact. Yup, that's right, you read that correctly - 18! I think there were a lot of people that lost bets on Aaron and I that day, long ago. Let's face it, odds were against us. I was 18, he was 20. I was three month pregnant and just graduated from High School and he just had a minimum  wage job. Not the best way to start out a life together, but we were madly in love and determined to make it work.

One of my favorite quotes is "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" (Reverend Theodore M. Hesburgh). A strong and successful family starts with the marriage. It was not always easy for  us for sure, but here we are today, happier than ever. How did we do it? Luck had her part, but we definitely did ours. Here are a few things I have learned a long the way.

1. Put the other person first. This is a difficult thing to do when you are so young, to think beyond yourself. Heck, it's a difficult thing to do when you are not so young sometimes. When something is important to you, you invest all of your resources in it. Invest in your relationship. Put everything you have into each other. You will eventually learn that you are not giving up anything by putting the other person first, because they in turn are putting you first. A wonderful, win win cycle.

2. Act like you did when you were dating. Remember those days? You went out of your way to do special things for each other. You loved to surprise each other with silly little notes and gifts. You went out on dates and spent every second you could together. You gave each other google eyes from across a crowded room. DON'T stop this once you get married. Make the time, it's important.

3. Learn these three VERY important phrases. I love you. I'm sorry. Thank-you. These are probably the three most important phrases you will learn. Make sure to say them often.

I love you: We will NEVER leave the house without saying these three words. Even if we are irritated with each other over something, these words will still leave our lips. We end every email with these three words. We begin and end each day with these three words. We will even say them out of the blue to each other for no reason, no segue, just say them and say them often.
 

I'm sorry: The hardest two words in the English language. Practice right now - I'm sorry. See, it's not so bad. It is imperative that these words are spoken. Humble yourself and just do it. It's like a band-aid. The quicker you do it the less painful it will be. Mend that wound as quickly as possible.

Thank-you: No one wants to feel unappreciated or unnoticed. When your spouse does something for you, no matter how small, thank them. Thank them for just being them, for being there, and for loving you.

4. Touch. Aaron and I have always wanted to be close. At night when we climb into bed to go to sleep a foot will navigate over to the others, or a hand will touch a shoulder. As our kids were growing up, they always knew we would want to sit together. Filing into the movie theater seats, they would always arrange themselves so that we would be next to each other, and they always leave two seats next to each other on the couch when we are watching TV or movies at home. Physical contact is strong. Just be close to each other as often as possible.

5. Communication is key. Admittedly this is still a very hard thing for me, even after 22 years of marriage. When I hear "What's wrong?" I tend to clam up. But, here's the thing - Aaron cannot read my mind and I cannot read his. There are some days when we are tantalizingly close, but we are not there yet. You have to communicate if you want something or you cannot be upset that you are not getting it. Talk, Talk, Talk. I am getting better.

Here are just a few things that have really helped us. I think it's important to remember that there isn't a relationship around that is perfect, because there are not any people that are perfect. However, if you just put the time into it and really work at what you have it will get easier and easier to have the relationship you want, to fix the problems quickly (and with minimal pain) and to build each other up to be the best people you can.... together.

What sort of things have worked best for you and your significant other?