Can I Love More Than One?

It must be nostalgic week for me because I am drifting back in time again today. I think part of it is Julie's fault, reading her posts about when she got Jade. That, along with her upcoming baby being due, it just has me thinking back (WAY back) to when I was in that stage of life.

This is me, with Jeff, and I am about three months pregnant with Jessica. Jeff was my entire world back then, and I didn't think I could possibly love my new baby as much as I did him. I remember, like it was yesterday, the moment the panic hit me.

I had just put Jeff to bed after reading him his bedtime story: a nightly ritual that the two of us had, sitting curled up on his bed, with one of three of his current favorite books of the time. I finished the book, tucked him in and gave him his goodnight kiss, and watched him snuggle down in his covers for the night..... and I just sat there and looked at him. My sweet little guy. My entire focus for the last three years.

Holy Crap! What was I thinking! I felt bad for the little life growing inside of me, because there was no way I would be able to have enough love for both of them. I mean, of course I would love my new baby, because that's what mom's do, but it wouldn't even be able to come close to the amount that I loved Jeff. That new baby would always just be second. Why, oh why, did we decide to have a second baby? That was my dumb idea, wasn't it?

I climbed into bed with feelings of dread. Aaron sensed something was wrong and asked me. "I'm not going to be able to love our baby!" Poor Aaron: the emotions of a female are bad enough, but a pregnant one.... nuff said. "What do you mean?" Aaron asked me. "I just love Jeff so much, there is no way I will ever be able to have that much love for another baby. There just isn't enough of me to go around".

Aaron just held me for a moment, and then said: "Of course you will be able to love two children. You will find that once that baby is placed in your arms, you will immediately love it just as much as you love Jeff. You may have a different love for that child, but it will be just as strong and just as binding as the love you have for Jeff. Trust me."

The human heart is an amazing thing! Aaron was right, of course. Once Jessica was born, my heart just expanded to let her into our circle. I love her just as fiercely as I do her brother and dad. As the years have gone by my heart has done nothing but grow, and will continue to grow as spouses and grand-children are added to our circle. I am looking forward to it!