Life Can Hurt Sometimes

You know, sometimes you are just sitting there minding your own business when life reaches over and sucker punches you with a lesson. This is usually highly unexpected and a very humbling experience. I received a pretty good smack down  Saturday afternoon.

Aaron and I have a relative that has been in prison for the last 10 years. He was young, made some stupid choices, and..... well, what more can I say.

For the past 10 years we have had the attitude "You do the crime, you pay the time" - "You made your bed, now lay in it" - "Your life is defined by your choices". There are so many cliche lines I could add here that it could go on for a while. While I still hold true to these thoughts, that every action has a consequence, whether good or bad and we all have to deal with those consequences, my heart has been softened in another way.

This relative of ours has been transferred to Washington State in preparation for his release. Up until now, out of site out of mind. We have not thought too much of this person over the last decade, but when we did it was just a "too bad for him" attitude. However, now that he is in Washington State and getting ready to be released back into the real world, he is really struggling with what to do. Where to live, where to work - basically how to deal with life. He has had a bed to sleep in, food to eat, routine to adhere to and all of his basic life needs met for him all of this time. He's scared.
 

Well, what do you want us to do about it? You can't live with us. Sorry, not much we can do for ya. It's really your own fault you know. If you hadn't have been so stupid, and made such stupid mistakes, you wouldn't even be in this position in the first place. I guess the least we can do, since you are in Washing State now, is come give you a visit. Ya, that's what we'll do, keep you company for a few hours. That should do it for our part.

Here it comes! Smack down time.

Let me fist say, with the exception of visiting Alcatraz, I have never been to a prison. One with real living inmates and guards with guns. I think this is a life experience that most of us have never done. Passing through barbed wire gates with security towers on either side, going through airport type security (incidentally, I almost didn't get let in because I had holes in the knees of my jeans), walking through several double door entry ways with armed men at each. Wow, a little knee weakening.

We finally got there, the visiting room, turned around and there he was. Sitting all alone at a table, looking tired, almost frail, but expectant. We spent the next three hours visiting and playing cards.

It's one thing to talk the talk when you are so distant from the cause, but when you are sitting directly across from it, not so much. When I sat there and looked into his eyes it just ripped my heart out, tore it to a million pieces and threw it on the floor. There might have even been a little bit of grinding with the boot heel in there too. Done. Heart softened. 

Here's the thing. We ALL make mistakes. I could go on for a long time on all of the mistakes I have made in my lifetime. This is one of the things that Aaron and I have tried desperately to instill in our kids' minds. It only takes one choice, sometimes only one second, and your whole entire life is changed - forever. Did this relative of ours make a stupid choice? Heck yes he did. Did he suffer the consequence of that choice? For 10 years he did, and I would imagine for several more years to come. Finding a job as a released convict is not going to be easy. You have to have a job to pay for a place to live and have food to eat. Yes, one choice can change your entire life forever.

After that visit on Saturday, Aaron and I have had a change of heart. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. We are now going to do everything we can to help. We are looking for a place for our relative to live. We are going to set him up with a couple of months rent so that he can have time to find a job. We will probably even get his groceries for him for a while until he is established (Costco Top Ramen here I come!). 

We have been reminded this week of Jean Valjean and the priest. One of the more touching scenes in Victor Hugo's book "Les Miserables". After Jean Valjean is brought back to the priests house for stealing his silver, the priest tells the police that he gave it to Jean and that he forgot to take the candlesticks as well. After the police leave he tells Jean "Forget not, never forget that you have promised me to use this silver to become an honest man.... Jean Valjean, my brother: you belong no longer to evil, but to good. It is your soul that I am buying for you. I withdraw it from dark thoughts and from the spirit of perdition, and I give it to God!"  Very powerful words!

Will he turn his life around, learn from his mistakes, and be a better person because of it? I cannot answer that. No one can answer that, only time will tell. But if he doesn't it will not be because he wasn't given the tools he needed to do so. It will not rest on our shoulders, only his. Sometimes all someone needs is for someone to believe in them and a chance. I really hope we are able to give that chance to someone who needs it.

picture taken by Vignir Már