Romance From Venus

With Valentine's Day on my mind this month, I thought it would be interesting to compare what the word "romance" means between women and men. So, this post will be a two parter. Today will be my answer to the riddle "What does romance mean to you?" and tomorrow will be Aaron's answer. I think both sexes can learn a lot from this. I will start by saying that I think Valentine's Day is one of the most unromantic days of the year. Before you roll your eyes at me, let me explain.

Romance to me is meaningful. It has a depth of feeling and emotion to it. Valentine's day is shallow and contrived. Men bring flowers and candy to their ladies because that's what you are suppose to do. Ladies go out and buy sexy lingerie and light the candles because that's what's expected. Where is that depth of feeling?

I think that somewhere down the road, with all of the romance movies out there, we have lost touch with what is romantic. We want heart stopping. We want John Cusack standing outside of our windows playing a boom box, with those heartsick eyes. We want to be like Drew Barrymore, standing on the pitchers mound waiting for her true love, and then have him actually show up. Or, and this would stop my heart (Aaron you are a musician ;o), Adam Sandler chasing us down and singing "I want to grow old with you" in front of an airplane full of people. Romantic? Yes, that's why we watch those silly movies. Realistic? Probably not.

Here is what I find romantic. Guys, there is nothing more sexy than the sound of housework being done and you are not the one doing it.... oh, and incidentally, you also didn't have to beg to have said housework done for you. To have a busy day, not knowing how your are going to get to everything, and then hear the clink of dishes being put in the dishwasher. To hear the roar of the vacuum being run through the house. That is music to my ears. It shows me that you have seen my need for help and care enough to do it, without being asked. You are willing to work to help the house function and do not find yourself above these menial tasks.

Here is what I feel on the subject of flowers. This is what I have told my son time and time again as I have tried to raise him to be a good husband/father. Women do not like flowers for the flowers. They like flowers because they like to know that they were being thought of. That's the key. Let me know that you think about me. That even when we are not together I am still in your thoughts. I don't have to consume your entire day, just a few moments of it.

My thoughts on intimacy. It is so romantic to me to have my feet rubbed. To lay down and relax for a little bit and talk. I know - talk - that four letter word. But seriously, I need that! Especially back in my days of small children. When your vocabulary throughout the day never reaches bigger than 5 word sentences, it's nice to have an intelligent conversation. Mostly, just let me know that you want ALL OF ME, not just the fun parts. Women are a little slower to warm up and get going, but if you give us the time we need it will be worth the wait.

I guess I can sum up my feelings like this. Romance is really quite simple. Let me know that I am important. That we are equals in this insanity of raising children and creating a home for them. That you still think about me often and maybe that your heart still gets a little tug when you do. That you still think I am beautiful even though I have peanut butter in my hair, bags under my eyes and my boobs are now hanging halfway down to my belly button. Do those little things for me that show me that you are paying attention to my needs, even if that need for the moment is just saying "I love you". I can't tell you how many times I have said in the past "I don't want to go out because I want to go out. I want to go out because you want to take me out".

That is what romance is to me, and Aaron does an excellent job at it every day. I am the luckiest woman alive. 

Now it's your turn ladies, to tell your man what you like. What do you find romantic?

picture taken by Ikaink