Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Man Cave: Top 10 Things I Did While My Wife Was Out of Town

Kathy has been out of town this week, settling the affairs of her recently deceased uncle. She left on Monday, and has spent her week driving a moving van from L.A. back to Seattle. As a result I've been alone at home; bach'ing it. To the stereotypical male this would be a time for wild debauchery and wretched excess.

Not for me.

Since the day we met Kathy and I have been inseparable. We're best buds...BFF's. Neither of us is really interested in taking trips or vacations without the other. My work doesn't require me to travel. In 27 years this is the furthest we've been apart.

Kathy has been gone four days. Here's what I've done in that time:

10. Practiced my guitar.

9. Watched a couple episodes of Swamp People on Netflix.

8. Started noticing the dishes weren't getting done. What the heck?

7. Walked aimlessly around the house, only to find each room more empty than the last.

6. Noticed the house was growing perilously low on food. Made a ration plan.

5. Woke up every night at 3:00 A.M., groping blindly for a warm body on the other side of the bed. Felt so alone.

4. Panicked.

3. Stared at a map of California until I had every town between Los Angeles and Medford memorized, and wondered where she might be at every given moment.

2. Sat out on the deck underneath a full moon and sang every verse of Somewhere Out There until a single tear rolled down my cheek.

1. On the last day I did the dishes, vacuumed, made the bed, shaved my 5 day beard, trimmed my bushy eyebrows, put on some fresh clothes, brushed my teeth, planned a nice dinner, and promised myself I would not cry.

And now I'm waiting by the window....


  1. You are the male version of me! Funny thing is most people might thinking you are kidding about some of these but I know better:)

  2. Oh no...these are all drop dead serious. None more so than #2.

  3. Oh......My........Goodness!!!! I love this of your best! I seriously questioned that you did #2 - but I see that you indeed did. I love that you guys are so attached!!! So glad that she will be home soon!!

    Take care!

  4. That is so funny and romantic. I used to be like that when Weldon and I were apart too. I can't believe you two have never been apart for that long. That's pretty sweet.

  5. julie was gone for the weekend to montana so I went hunting and fishing. I also was crying but for a whole different reason. the hike we took to get to where we were hunting was supposed to be 3 hours and was really 6 hours and it was straight up. we got out in 3 hours and straight down about 80 degrees with a little dehydration and heat exhaustion. Then when I got home there was no one home to take care of me. Well mom brought me food. So I feel for you I know how it was to cry when your woman is gone.