I love being a mom. I have loved every stage of my mothering adventure. Each stage has been a blessing and a joy. Cuddling with a sleeping baby, the excitement of the first steps, craft time with the grade schooler - I actually even loved the teen years and really connected with my kids on a deeper level during that time. One of the things I loved the most as my children grew up was watching them interact with each other, and seeing the amazing bond that they had: my kids have always been incredibly close. But, this adult thing has been a huge challenge fore me!
I'm not sure what has happened over the last couple of years, but things just aren't what they used to be. I know that kids grow up and become their own, individual self. I love that fact! I have always been so excited to have my kids move out of my house and watch them start their own lives. There was never a problem with empty nester's syndrome here. I wanted them to experience life in their own ways. But, something has happened to their brain, and I swear I didn't have this problem when I was their age.
When my kids hit about 18 they all of the sudden thought they were old enough to do everything on their own. Great! Independence is good! That's what I raised you to be. However, I am discovering what is happening instead is a complete train wreck, and all I can do is stand on the side lines and watch. Boundaries are tested. Newly found independence is explored. Everything I have taught them is forgotten. Advice is no longer wanted or heard. They do not want me, nor need me..... UNTIL, stuff hits the fan, then my shoulder, pocket book and support is needed - and stat! I have to watch the train wreck take place, and then appear out of the dusty fog to pick up the pieces. And, that amazing sibling bond that has been there all these years is weak and bending in the heat of disaster.
It is a very painful thing for me to watch. It tears my heart out and makes me want to cry. I want to slap each child, and lock them in a room together until they figure it out, just like I did when they were little. Ah..... when they were little. A time when I could make them do what I wanted them to, punish them when they didn't, and make them hold hands until they weren't mad any more and were instead laughing and joking with each other again.
My heart is heavy. It is aching for times past, for relationships tested, and for the growing pains that are being experienced. I wish it were as easy as putting a Band-Aid on a skinned knee. I guess all I can do is wait, and be there once again when I am needed.