Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Man Cave: Why You Might Be the Turkey on Thanksgiving

I know that insulting Family Strong readers is not the best way to build loyalty. For some reason I don't care today. I'm going to exorcise my Thanksgiving demons. I'm going to pull no punches and say the things that are really on my mind; tell it like I see it.

And if you don't like can get stuffed.

If you are an American that doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving, you are the turkey. I get it: Christmas is a religious holiday. To some, Halloween is a sort of anti-religious holiday (whatever). Thanksgiving, however, is an American holiday. Be part of it.

If you don't like the traditional Thanksgiving meal, you are the turkey. Seriously. If you can't choose at least one thing that satisfies your palate from the range of food available on most tables, you are a picky baby. Take your Tofurky and grass juice and go pout in the corner.

If you are the owner of a business that requires your employees to work on Thanksgiving (or the fringes of Thanksgiving, i.e. 12:01 AM on Black Friday), you are the turkey. Yes Target, this means you. Ditto Walmart, Fred Meyer, etc. You suck.

If you are a consumer too lazy to make sure you have what you need for Thanksgiving dinner ahead of time, you are the turkey. Your inability to plan ahead is part of the "false demand" that encourages businesses to open their doors on Thanksgiving.

If you are so over-attached to your consumerism that you can't abstain from it for one day so that everyone can be with their family on Thanksgiving, you are the turkey. (Yes, I know all about firemen, police officers, emergency room workers, and all the other straw-man arguments. We both know they have nothing to do with what I'm talking about.)

If you go to the movies on Thanksgiving, you are the turkey. You know why. Sorry.

If you fight with your family on Thanksgiving, you are the turkey. Stop bickering. No arguing. It doesn't matter if you're "right". Fill your mouth up with so much food you can't talk and get over it.

If you don't take a minute to think about how blessed you are, you are the turkey.

* photo by mystuart

1 comment:

  1. I often wonder why some places are open that day as well. Do you have to work on Thanksgiving? I'm sorry if you do.
    You're a funny guy.